Surrendering to the Unknown

How to Do Your Thing While God Does His

Photo by Noah Grossenbacher on Unsplash.

Hello friends, how is August going for you? If you're new here, welcome! I tend to post on Substack twice a month, usually an essay about what life is teaching me, followed by a post that highlights how I'm doing in my attempt to make 2025 my Year of Fun. Today I'm writing about my struggle with uncertainty, something I don’t do well with.

As summer begins to wind down, I've been looking ahead to what is to come this fall. I have a few balls in the air and have found myself a little wound up as I think about it all. Anyone who knows me, will tell you I am a pretty go with the flow person. I rarely get my feathers ruffled. At the same time, those who me know me really well, will tell you that beneath my calm exterior, I am a worrier.

I worry about my kids. About maintaining my relationships. About staying healthy as I age. I worry about the people I love and the hard things they have to go through. I don't want to be this way. I want to be someone who believes that everything will work out just fine. Someone who trusts, fully, in things they cannot see. (Sidenote: is this even possible?)

A couple months ago, I was at a friend's house catching up. "I hate to break this up," she said, "but I have a class on Zoom." Then she asked if I wanted to stay and do it with her. The class was a group guided meditation. I was all in. So my friend grabbed her laptop and there we sat, side by side, eyes closed, listening as the leader walked us through a series of visualizations. Toward the end, we were to envision what we truly wanted in life. It was all pretty cool.

Afterwards, I listened in as the group discussed what they wanted. Many of the women mentioned better relationships, money, or the success of a goal they were working on. "What did you want?" my friend asked. "Peace," I answered, "Freedom from my fear and worries." My answer surprised even me.

Because I'm a writer, I learned a long time ago to pour out all my concerns onto the page. Not only is doing so a brain dump, but this practice helps me discern my next steps. One day, as I was writing about all the things I have going on, I wrote about my elusive quest for peace. It shouldn't be this hard, I wrote. I have a deep faith in God. I believe in the power of prayer. I trust Him. What am I doing wrong? Reader, the answer may be evident to you, but I was honestly confused.

Life is full of ups, downs and unknowns. It's the unknowns that give me the most trouble. What will happen with X? How will it happen? What if it doesn't go the way I want it to? What if I fail? Often when I get myself in a tither, I finally break down and tell God I can't deal with whatever circumstance I'm worrying about. I then bundle up all my fears and hand them over to Him. When I can remember to do this, peace finally comes. Later, I see that though things didn't go as I expected, God had everything under control the entire time. All my worries? They were for naught. A waste of time.

Anyway, that day, as I thought about all the what-if's in my life, I wrote about how I know I am supposed to trust God. I wrote about how at some level I do, at least with the big picture. But even as I know God is in control, really believing it is hard, how do I get there? Then-just like that-the answer came to me. Sometimes, I think my journaling is a prayer, and that God, the ever-present listener, pops in and drops exactly what I need into my brain. It's usually an answer that takes me by surprise. Something I wouldn't have thought of, if that makes sense. Here's what came to me that day: Let go of the outcomes. What?!

But then suddenly I realized, stress comes as a result of wondering what is going to happen. I want to know, to prepare for, the outcome of a given situation. Focusing on the end result, instead of the fact that God is in control, this is what is tripping me up. I can do so in certain situations, but in the ones where the stakes seem higher, when I am clinging to a certain outcome, well that's when I flounder.

But outcomes are God's job. My job is to be obedient and worship Him. (Worship and obedience are church-y words. What I mean: I need to maintain my relationship with God through prayer and study, and act in a way that represents Him well.) My will should align with His will and after that, it's all up to Him. What exactly is God's will? That my friends, is something people love to argue/debate. For me, it's pretty simple. Love God, love others and do my best to filter my actions through this overarching lens. It's a pretty simple formula for living: Start with love, and go from there.

So for the past few weeks, when my brain kicks it into high gear, I remind myself (usually at 2:00am) that I'm not in charge of outcomes. I'm in charge of making sure my heart is in the right place, and then I need to be brave enough to move forward, using my best judgment. That’s it. What have I learned by doing this? When I let go of the endings, my stress has no where to reside. It doesn't matter what happens with X. God has it figured out. What a relief this is!

I can't possibly know what God has planned for me. But I can trust that He has a plan. I can focus on my job and leave the rest to God. And when I'm disappointed by my circumstances, all I need to do is hold on, and remember, that no matter what happens, it’s not the end of the story. God is with me, working things out, leading me to wherever I need to go. If I can do this, then I can be the person who believes everything will turn out just fine, even when it doesn’t.