What to do when Things Don’t Work Out the Way You Wanted
The Way it Went: A June Round Up
“When nothing goes right, go left.”
-Martha Cecilia
A Few Photos Capturing What June Looked Like for Me
Happy July, friends! If you’re a new subscriber, welcome! I typically post twice a month, usually an essay about what life is teaching me, followed by a post like this one, that highlights a few things I’m doing, specific to my goals for my Year of Fun. I share these things not because I think you care about my life, but in hopes that it will inspire you to go after whatever you want in yours. Remember, life is short. Having fun matters!
In my quest to live in a way that makes me feel alive, I pay attention to opportunities that sound enjoyable and then act on my desires, big or small. Four things hit my radar for June:
-Going wedding dress shopping for my middle daughter.
-Hosting Father’s Day for our extended family.
-Checking out a new winery that has Yaks (yes, you read that right).
-Going to an event and discussion with C. Thomas Howell (who played Pony Boy in The Outsiders movie).
Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned, which was frustrating. Here's how it went down.
Fun Things I Did (and didn't do) in June
*Wedding Dress Shopping. My middle daughter is getting married next year. June 13th was our official wedding dress shopping day (this is a thing-you need appointments and bring people with you-things have changed A LOT since I got married). I was so excited to spend the day with all three of my daughters plus the bride’s good friend/shopping buddy. And wow, there are some beautiful bridal gowns out there! We all oohed and ahhed over the dresses and yes, she found the one. In between the shopping, we had a fun lunch at Cake Bake, the perfect place for a day like this one. This was a great day all around.
*Hosted Father’s Day. My father-in-law is 94 years old and still lives on his own. I want his genes. Anyway, we had him up for the weekend and had our extended family over for the Father's Day. It was an entire weekend full of goofiness, laughter, tacos and memory making. Everyone in my family of origin is gone, so I truly relish time with my husband's family (they’re my family too, of course). My favorite part? Watching Steve’s dad play with my fourteen-month-old granddaughter. My heart was full on this day.
*I didn’t make it to the winery. I’ve been anxious to check out The Wooley Yak Ranch & Winery ever since it opened in May. One night, I planned a trip there with two of my daughters. The forecast looked grim, but in Indiana, the weather changes on a dime. That afternoon, both daughters texted me separately, asking if we should reschedule. I resisted, and since they are probably tired of me yacking about it (pun intended), we kept our plans. My youngest arrived first. She texted to tell me it was raining. We can sit inside, I said. The rain will pass, I said. As my other daughter and I drove halfway to the winery in the pouring down rain, I finally called it. The experience I was looking for would not be the same in the rain.
*I did not make it to C. Thomas Howell’s event. I loved The Outsiders book and movie. So when a friend told me about this event, I was all in. I wanted to hear Pony Boy talk about his experiences on the movie set. I looked up the tour and realized he was speaking in a venue just five hours away, that very same week. It was a busy week but this was my Year of Fun! I could make this happen. The problem? No one else could. Did I want to drive five hours and spend the night in a hotel by myself? No. I was disappointed that this one didn’t work out. But as it turns out, the tour has been extended and he’s coming even closer to my town in August. Maybe this fail was a win?
What I Learned
As silly as it sounds, not achieving my goals for fun made me feel bad. I’ve committed to living with intention. I don’t want to slide back into my old ways. After losing my brother too soon, I am hyper aware of the ticking time clock of life. But after a day of stewing, I realized I was being: Ridiculous.
Life doesn’t always go the way we want. Even though you really want to pet a Yak, it just might be pouring rain. I could go have an adventure by myself, but driving five hours to get there, alone, wasn’t really appealing.
I have to remind myself that fun is not something to plan and mark off a list. Also, my desire to live with intention, to enjoy life on my terms, does not (should not?) include beating myself up. So I’ve decided to shift my thinking. Work on being more flexible. Goals are good, but I don’t want to be chained to them. When I consider what I did do in June, I will say I had lots of spontaneous fun.
*I managed to sneak away a couple afternoons to float in my BFF's pool.
*I said yes last minute to going to the Mystery Movie with a friend. The movie turned out to be Jurassic World: Rebirth . It was pretty good. And: popcorn. Also fun was seeing our yard when I got home that night. We live in the country and the fireflies are plentiful this year. I stared in awe at their spectacular light show that evening.
*I made a cobbler out of the many berries we harvested from our garden.
*I hired a book coach to help me with structure, writing and accountability for a book I want to write. For me, this is big. It means I am committing to writing again. This is both exciting and scary.
Life is not perfect, but it is good. I’m not perfect, but I am trying. Trying to honor my desires. Trying to give myself grace when things fall apart. And, I’m still trying to get to that winery. I am determined to pet a Yak in 2025!
JUNE SUBSTACK POSTS I ENJOYED
I don’t know when it became acceptable to be mean in our world. What happened to kindness? Respect? The ability to disagree? This post about pledging to be part of the good in our world, is everything I believe in.
Read this. I promise you’ll be inspired. I’m turning 60 in the fall, and I think about the fact that I am undeniably not young anymore. But maybe it doesn’t matter. I love this 81-year-old author’s attitude. My favorite lines: "But good heavens, life doesn’t stop at 60. It doesn’t even stop at 80. Twenty years ago, I hadn’t written the three books I have written since.”
We Americans are constantly thinking about why we’re here, trying to figure out our purpose. We value productivity, which can be good and bad. Pamela Clapp addresses the question: What if being fully alive is its own kind of purpose? This is a great read for anyone, but especially for those who struggle with perfectionism and the constant need to be productive.
BOOKS I READ IN JUNE
This award-winning historical fiction novel is written from the viewpoint of Shakespeare’s wife, Anne Hathaway (Agnes, in the book). It focuses on her grief over the loss of their son, Hamnet. O'Farrell is a talented writer. The story is interesting. There are beautiful, emotionally charged lines. It is a realistic portrait of grief. At the same time, I was impatient as I read. O'Farrell's writing is so descriptive. She often writes the same thing in multiple ways and it felt repetitive. Still, I did enjoy the story.
There are so many themes in this book. Race, identity, socioeconomic class, parenting and choices. I appreciated that the author tells the story from the viewpoint of all three of the main characters. We start with Lily’s story as she is a young adult, then move into the life of her son Nick, and then end with Lily’s mom’s viewpoint. I’m not quite done with this one yet. I find myself reading a little slower, which usually means I’m not as interested in the story line as I should be. Still, it’s well written. If you like inter-generational stories, I’d recommend it.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my words. May your July be filled with backyard barbecues, fireflies, time outdoors and some good, spontaneous fun!